Parking lot enemies revealed
Shannon Johnson
Issue date: 11/2/09 Section: Opinion
The endless frustration I have experienced recently as I roam packed parking lots for an available space has given me ample time to compile a list of popular parking pet peeves.
The following peeves are true accounts of troublesome parking lot experiences.
The Main Squeeze: Just this week in the Target parking lot, I watched in amazement the dedication of this monster Ford owner who was bound and determined to fit his massive crew-cab in a Mini Cooper-sized spot. Of course he could not pass by the envied space so close to the front of the store, so he made the best of the situation, parking and re-parking for an entire five minutes despite the other free and roomy spots available nearby. Listen, everyone wants to fit in those size three jeans, but it's time to move on when you have to do the Hokey Pokey to get them buttoned up. You know it's not pretty and so does everyone else. Next time find a spot that you actually fit in and walk the extra 50 feet to the store.
The Aspiring Handicap: You've seen these walking miracles; you see someone park in a handicap space only to watch them hop out of their car and sprint into a store as if they've just won the summer Olympics.
The Standoff: I've been in this spot one too many times. I come sneaking up on a parking space, only to have a shiny new BMW come whipping around the corner with their blinker on as if claiming the spot to be theirs. This is where skill and speed come into the picture. You both stare each other down as you wait for the poor car to pull out of their spot, and when it's all clear, you put the pedal to the metal and pray for positive results.
The Codependent: I came across this person as I searched for a spot at a DSC football game. This person parks in the middle of two spots to save a space for their friend who is running late. Heaven forbid they be apart. Their cars just have to be right next to each other. I wish I had a guardian angel to ensure me a VIP parking space too.
The Lost Traveler: Many of us are guilty of pathetic parking lot roaming. I once circled a Wal-Mart parking lot for 10 minutes until I finally chastised my determined boyfriend and pointed him toward a lonely spot in the very far reaches of the lot. It makes no sense to circle around and around like a vulture for a spot to open up in the front when there are perfectly good places available in the back.
Traila' Trash: These people always have a fountain drink attached to their hand. After getting in or out of their car, they put their half-empty cup just under the car. The cup is inevitably knocked over on their way out, leaving behind a sticky mess for my new shoes to meet as soon as I come along. I've never understood the origins of this fountain drink fad.
Short Kid at the Tall Drinking Fountain: As I scan the parking lot for a vacant space, I glimpse the beauty of an empty stall looking back at me in a hidden corner. I rush toward it with a stupid grin on my face, only to find I was deceived by a little scooter, taking up not even a fourth of the space. I feel betrayed, its almost as if these scooters enjoy the thrill of a tease.
We are all connected through perturbing parking lot experiences, and it's time to forget "every man for himself" and help each other out instead. It's infuriating when fellow parkers "cross the line" and don't care about others around them.
However, if all else fails and you're left circling parking lots for an empty space, take a note from my book and entertain yourself by making your own list of popular parking pet peeves.
The following peeves are true accounts of troublesome parking lot experiences.
The Main Squeeze: Just this week in the Target parking lot, I watched in amazement the dedication of this monster Ford owner who was bound and determined to fit his massive crew-cab in a Mini Cooper-sized spot. Of course he could not pass by the envied space so close to the front of the store, so he made the best of the situation, parking and re-parking for an entire five minutes despite the other free and roomy spots available nearby. Listen, everyone wants to fit in those size three jeans, but it's time to move on when you have to do the Hokey Pokey to get them buttoned up. You know it's not pretty and so does everyone else. Next time find a spot that you actually fit in and walk the extra 50 feet to the store.
The Aspiring Handicap: You've seen these walking miracles; you see someone park in a handicap space only to watch them hop out of their car and sprint into a store as if they've just won the summer Olympics.
The Standoff: I've been in this spot one too many times. I come sneaking up on a parking space, only to have a shiny new BMW come whipping around the corner with their blinker on as if claiming the spot to be theirs. This is where skill and speed come into the picture. You both stare each other down as you wait for the poor car to pull out of their spot, and when it's all clear, you put the pedal to the metal and pray for positive results.
The Codependent: I came across this person as I searched for a spot at a DSC football game. This person parks in the middle of two spots to save a space for their friend who is running late. Heaven forbid they be apart. Their cars just have to be right next to each other. I wish I had a guardian angel to ensure me a VIP parking space too.
The Lost Traveler: Many of us are guilty of pathetic parking lot roaming. I once circled a Wal-Mart parking lot for 10 minutes until I finally chastised my determined boyfriend and pointed him toward a lonely spot in the very far reaches of the lot. It makes no sense to circle around and around like a vulture for a spot to open up in the front when there are perfectly good places available in the back.
Traila' Trash: These people always have a fountain drink attached to their hand. After getting in or out of their car, they put their half-empty cup just under the car. The cup is inevitably knocked over on their way out, leaving behind a sticky mess for my new shoes to meet as soon as I come along. I've never understood the origins of this fountain drink fad.
Short Kid at the Tall Drinking Fountain: As I scan the parking lot for a vacant space, I glimpse the beauty of an empty stall looking back at me in a hidden corner. I rush toward it with a stupid grin on my face, only to find I was deceived by a little scooter, taking up not even a fourth of the space. I feel betrayed, its almost as if these scooters enjoy the thrill of a tease.
We are all connected through perturbing parking lot experiences, and it's time to forget "every man for himself" and help each other out instead. It's infuriating when fellow parkers "cross the line" and don't care about others around them.
However, if all else fails and you're left circling parking lots for an empty space, take a note from my book and entertain yourself by making your own list of popular parking pet peeves.
Viewing Comments 1 - 4 of 4
Matty Jacobson
posted 11/02/09 @ 10:23 AM MST
I absolutely LOVED this Shannon! So true! Especially the short kid at the tall drinking fountain. How many times has that heppened to me? Oy. I cannot count. (Continued…)
Chris
posted 11/04/09 @ 10:13 AM MST
Hehe... I especially hate the "short kid at the tall drinking fountain." Gets me everytime...
psychman
Nolan Ashman
posted 11/05/09 @ 1:29 PM MST
Shannon; If you really want a joke to write about, try DSC parking. Two years ago I invited the acting president to address the "visitor's parking" in front of the Red Rock Cafe. (Continued…)
Shannon Johnson
posted 11/12/09 @ 2:49 PM MST
Thanks Chris and Matty! I need an audience that appreciates sarcasm and humor.
And Mr. Ashman that is definitely an important issue that DSC needs to confront. (Continued…)
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